Masturbation... Embrace It!
By Sergei
A personal history of a gay masturbator who embraced his chronic behaviors.
I first noticed getting erections around age 8 or 9, and I used to enjoy flexing my "p.c." muscles; I called this exercise "penis pushers". I first heard the word "masturbation" in 5th grade sex ed class, but it was not defined at all. It wasn't until 6th grade when I first hear about jacking off that I connected the terms.
I first read about how it's done when I was in 6th grade, and soon thereafter my best friend told me about this thing his older brother did with his cock. That same year I started to hear my classmates referring to it.
I tried it the spring of my 6th grade year, when I was 11. I had read and heard enough to try it on my own. I wish I had had someone to actually show me how. I had been doing my penis pushers for a couple of years but it never occurred to me to use my hands. I don't know how I could have been that stupid but it was inevitable that I figure it out eventually.
I would come home from school that spring before anyone else was home, and try out this "jacking off" thing. I think I used two fingers and pointed my thumb up, parallel with the shaft. It didn't take me long to make it feel really good. I only tried it a few times before I got that feeling like something dramatic was going to happen. I remember this intense pressure building up inside of me and then an almost painful release as I had my first orgasm. This happened the day before I turned 12 and I had done so much reading that I knew that I had succeeded in having an orgasm, but it still felt like maybe I had broken something because the climax was such a strong new sensation. Shortly thereafter I began to ejaculate.
At that age, everything related to the maleness of a man/boy was a turn on, and the act of masturbation, me or imagining others doing it was extremely arousing. Often I would fantasize about other boys my age or older doing it, especially the boys whose cocks I had seen in the locker room after phys ed classes. At that age a couple of my classmates' cocks were starting to get quite large (large is relative when you're 11), and my mind's eye would go to those images frequently. Other times I would just stare at my own cock while I stroked it, marveling at how I could make myself feel so good.
ADOLESCENT
I had read about the dangers of "excessive" masturbation, so I tried to limit myself to a few times a week, but that just made it more tempting, and the promises I made to myself right after coming were soon forgotten. I usually did it about once a day the first few years. As I grew through my teens I abandoned the idea of "excessive" since I knew I couldn't really stop myself anyway. Generally, I did it daily. By the time I was 15, I had to do it every night to get to sleep. When I had the time, I often did it right after school or in the bathroom on the weekends. I rarely did it at school in the restroom. Basically, I did it when I was alone, almost anywhere. I wish I'd had a jack-off buddy, but I was shy and didn't know how to go about doing it with anyone else.
Unfortunately both my bed and bedroom floor were squeaky so I always had to try to be very quiet so as not to be heard at night. At night I would sometimes do it lying on my back in bed, shooting on my stomach and chest. I used to go through so many tissues! Fortunately I often had sinus problems so that was my excuse for filling up the wastebasket so quickly. After a couple of years I found a section of the floor where I could lie down or kneel and do the deed with as much movement as I wanted. I always liked firmly contracting my butt muscles while I did it, sometimes holding my hand still against a stationery object while I fucked it.
When I came home from school, I would often do it in different rooms. I especially enjoyed doing it in front of mirrors, especially the full-length one we had on the landing of the staircase. I would look at my hard dick from every angle, and frequently measured it to chart its growth. I liked coming in various rooms.
Throughout my youth I stuck to the basic grip of wrapping my fingers around my shaft, with the thumb pointing up. I didn't start wrapping my thumb around my cock til I was 19. Around 14 or 15 I discovered Vaseline, and I kept the same grip, but held my hand looser and slower so that I could slide it over my cock. This made a great thing even greater, and it let me do it as much or as long as I wanted without chafing. Around this time I started taking my time, when I had the time, and would make it last up to about 30 minutes before ejaculating. I found that this made the orgasm stronger and I learned to love that feeling of stretching the pleasure out, wanting that orgasm intensely.
To my knowledge, no one in my family found out or caught me. I'm sure my parents figured it out, but they never said anything. My brother is 6 years younger than me and he had his own room and was oblivious.
During adolescent years, my friends made jokes about it. I didn't discuss it with my friends. It was something I kept to myself. It seems that because I was the class brain, nobody thought I had a dick. I heard about a couple of slumber parties where guys jerked off or had sex, but I was never invited to those. I was Mr. Nerd. It's a shame; I could have given them some great ideas!
The first time with an orgasm, even though it was dry, was certainly an especially delightful memory. The really delightful times came in my later teens.
TEEN - LATE TEEN
I wasn't interested in setting any personal masturbation records til well after I was an adult. In my teens my max in one day was probably 5 or 6 times, on rare occasions. As a teen, I was always concerned with keeping the numbers down, so I could get other things done! I was a very busy teenager, participating in many musical, dramatic, speech, and journalistic activities. On the days that I did it a lot I would feel a mix of pride and guilt - pride about how potent I was, and guilt about how "introverted" and "infantile" my behavior was. Also, in my teens I developed a varicocele (a common condition of varicose veins on the left testicle), and I was a little scared about somehow hurting myself or aggravating that condition. The summer after I graduated from high school, however, I had the condition corrected by surgery and that worry was gone.
Sometimes, I would strike little bargains with the devil in my pants. I would decide that a certain thing would be an omen that would decide if I could do it or not. For example, I would look on page 69 of a magazine and see if there was a picture of a man on it. If there was a picture of a man, then I could jack off. If not, I had to wait. Pretty goofy, huh?
At the time I thought I was guilt-free about it, but now I realize that I inhibited my own enjoyment of my strong sex drive because I thought it was psychologically unhealthy if I did it "too much". I had read some books that said things like same-sex crushes and masturbation were phases that boys went through on their way to mature sexuality, i.e., fucking with women. Since I was in deep denial over my attraction to males, I was also in some denial about my attraction to a particular male - me.
I masturbated everywhere! In bed, in the bathroom, in every room of the house, at school, in the car when I drove on longer trips, in abandoned buildings, in a tree on my grandpa's farm, lying down, standing up, on my knees, sitting in a chair, on the toilet, in the shower, etc.. Mostly in bed at night, however, since that was guaranteed private time and it made me sleep better.
Sometimes on the highway, I would jack off while I drove and raise myself up so truckers could get a good look.
I remember having an intense thrill from sneaking into the dark auditorium at school, taking off every stitch of clothing, and masturbating center stage, imagining a house full of admirers getting off on how sexy I was.
In high school I started experimenting with all kinds of things. For lubricants I tried Noxema skin cream, Crisco (which I used for a year or so), cooking oil, banana skins, soap, and egg whites. I would occasionally stimulate myself anally with a long-necked bottle, but more often I was looking for new things to stick my cock into or wrap around it. I remember having fun with an Electrolux vacuum cleaner bag. It had a rubbery membrane with a hole in it that the hose blew into, and that was fun to fuck for some light stimulation of the ridge of the head. I also rigged up the bell-joint (the end piece) of a bassoon I borrowed from the school band to the vacuum cleaner. By flicking the key on the bell I could make a very fast on-again-off-again suction that felt really good, but when I got to be about 17 my cock got too fat for that device. I remember wrapping up my hard-on with my mom's panty hose and jacking off that way, with purple head sticking out the top. The panty hose material gives your cock a very nice squeeze.
Although I was very flexible, I never really tried to suck my cock til much later, but I certainly could have then, since I can now, after some serious stretching.
Sometimes my parents would hide pornography, in print or photo form, that I would find and masturbate with. I really enjoyed Xaviera Hollander's books that my mom had. Xaviera can really describe the pleasures of the flesh! My rare glimpses of naked male flesh in Dad's magazines was very exciting to me, but I still didn't have any gay friends (that I knew about) and I thought that I couldn't possibly be "one of those" until my late teens. I was able to divert a lot of my attraction to males into my solosex life until I was 19.
EARLY ADULT
Growing up meant leaving home and that meant independence. I was more than ready for that. My first year at college, however, I lived in a dormitory with 1 or 2 roommates and with a bathroom down the hall. It was harder to find some time to myself than it had been at home. I did not like living in the dorms at all. I usually masturbated in a restroom stall, or when I had the room to myself. When I went from two roommates to one, it got easier but I still always had to be careful not to get caught. I was still a virgin through my first year of college and very shy sexually. While I used to fantasize about my roommates jerking off, I did not consider doing it with them or arranging to "get caught" like some of my more daring comrades have done.
It was a hard year going from country life to a big university with no privacy, academic pressures, etc. And I was very confused about my sexuality til the end of my freshman year when I finally realized I was gay after all, and doing it with a woman wasn't going to change that. I think what helped was developing a circle of friends with whom I could discuss many sexual issues for the first time. I had never discussed masturbation with anybody until I got to college. Also, I had my first real girlfriend and I realized "this isn't it". I figured I was either gay or monosexual. Now I figure I'm bisexual - I do it with myself and with other guys. (That's supposed to be a joke. Probably doesn't work in print.) Masturbation during that year was usually rushed and very much for pressure relief. I stuck to once or twice a day, usually. You might say my development as a masturbation artist was arrested for this year.
In my later teens I began to experiment with making the self-sex experience last a bit longer, on those occasions when I had the time available to me. I would take my stroking to the beginnings of ejaculation, and back away several times before ejaculating, and that felt really good. I got my hands on some Penthouse magazines as well as Mom's Xaviera books, and I readily absorbed the ideas about making pleasure last. It was a delicious self-study program for me. I really got into this my second year of college when I was living off-campus. I hardly ever masturbated for less than 20 minutes.
As a music major sometimes I would also indulge myself in the practice rooms at school. Practice rooms are very difficult places in which to work if you're a horny young man - the temptation to play your cock instead of your instrument is overwhelming. I soon met some other guys who admitted they masturbated there when they got bored or tired of practicing. I sometimes did it with a couple of other guys in those rooms. I started carrying a small container of Vaseline with me in my book bag so I could use it wherever I got the urge.
Although I started dating a guy during this time, and later we lived together, we mutually chose not be sexually monogamous. We were basically close friends who occasionally had sex. There were many experiments with other people, threesomes, circle jerks, and the like. We hadn't heard of AIDS yet (early 1980s), and I dabbled in many sexual activities, but I found that I was still quite satisfied with a good jack-off session.
It was during this time in college that I threw cares to the wind, realizing that I was not a freak, and that masturbation would not interfere with my ability to fuck, etc., and would sometimes spend a whole afternoon or evening focusing on self-pleasure when my roommate was not around. I began to stimulate other parts of my body besides my cock. I like the feeling of a hand on my chest, stomach, or thighs, stroking gently. I also occasionally put a finger or two inside of myself to explore the prostate. Contracting certain muscles can feel great, and if I contract my pecs and/or thighs I move faster towards ejaculation. I thoroughly checked out all the equipment whenever I felt like it.
I usually stuck to making each session last, rather than seeing how many times I could shoot. Probably the most I'd done it in one day through my college years was about 6. I do remember a great session once where I stroked my hard cock for an hour and 50 minutes and when I ejaculated it was a huge volume of semen. I also discovered that the longer I kept my cock hard, the more I wanted. After a half hour in an extremely aroused state, I didn't want to leave that state. It was a joyous, beautiful, exciting state of body/mind, and I usually felt good about taking the time to get there. Sometimes I would realize that I was escaping from something else I didn't want to deal with, like homework, but hey, it beats chemical dependencies!
PRESENT
My favorite scenario is a free afternoon on a warm day (fortunately South Florida has many of those). I stretch out on my bed or sofa with my upper body supported by several pillows. I may stroke my whole body, sometimes kissing parts of it. I begin touching my cock and balls with just fingertips. As my cock becomes erect, I slowly apply lubricant and take deep breaths. I usually use slow strokes, wrapping my hand around my cock and concentrating on the last three inches or so. My most powerful experiences are usually when I focus on the pleasure I'm feeling. I allow my whole consciousness to go into my cock, and I become nothing but Cock, an instrument for pleasure, the essence of maleness. I relax and unlock muscles that might become tense, or I tense muscles when I want to get closer to the edge of ejaculating. I tease myself, I beg myself to go for it and deny myself that release at the same time.
When I fantasize, it's often about picturing people focusing on their own pleasure. Other times I may imagine that I'm someone's captive, and they have tied me up and won't let me go until I've given them so much cum, etc. Another one I like is the idea of me lying on my back on the floor while a group of men shoot their stuff all over me.
Ideally I like to spend at least 30 minutes. If it goes much beyond an hour, I sometimes lose interest somewhat, and need to finish up for that session. Monday through Friday I don't always have that much time, however, unless I make time by staying up late to do it.
I really feel the urge to ejaculate at least daily, twice is perfect. Sometimes, though I just place a fingertip on the underside of my penis, by the head, and it sends waves of pleasure through my guts. I may do this kind of sensitive touching several times on some days in addition to the times that I actually stroke my cock with my whole hand to the point of shooting.
I make a distinction between ejaculation and orgasm because sometimes I have orgasms without ejaculation, but I virtually always end a series of dry orgasms with an ejaculation (or two).
To get to the dry orgasms, I usually have to stroke for 20 minutes or so, then I concentrate on very slow, gentle (lubricated!) stimulation of the area above the circumcision line. If I stay up around the head and resist contracting any large muscles, I get to a very high state and eventually my whole torso starts heaving and I have these knockout orgasms with the loss of consciousness and overwhelming climax of sensation, but without ejaculating. I started doing this in my mid 20s and every once in a while when I have the time, I go there. After several of these dry ones a few minutes apart, the urge to ejaculate may become too strong to deny, so I go ahead and let that happen, but oftentimes, after getting into that pattern of pleasure, I can keep on going even after the ejaculation. Some sessions have been 3 or 4 dry orgasms, followed by an ejaculation, followed by a couple more dry ones, followed by another ejaculation. And then how do you count short breaks, etc.? The statistics of sex and masturbation in particular are so interesting.
There are times when I want to be a pleasure pig, so I have a lot more than two discrete sessions in a day. I never tried to go for an ejaculation record until a few years ago when I was snowed into my apartment for a couple of days. I did it 11 times in 24 hours. I wrote down each time and how long I spent stroking. It was interesting and exciting for me to study my capacities like that. The number was way beyond anything I had done during my teen years. My best record came last year, though, just before my 34th birthday, when I shot 13 loads in a 24 hour period. I didn't think I'd ever break the old record. The loads got pretty small, but never dried up completely. Kinda makes me wonder what I could have done when I was 17!
I am convinced that there are wide variations in frequency, orgasmic capacity, and ejaculatory capacity across age groups that are not well documented. Kinsey et al, made a start with his landmark studies, but I have seen so many exceptions to the norm as far as guys who have multiple ejaculations, old guys with really hard erections, etc., that I think most guys are limited more by their attitudes than their bodies. Not that we all have to strive to be awesome machines, but many guys I have been with just don't fit the norm. There still seems to be worry about jacking off "too much". I could go on and on about this, but that's enough I'm sure.
I would also like to say here that I'm not trying to be a braggart, like I'm so sexually powerful. I don't have the world's hardest erection all the time, and I'm not ready to go at a moment's notice like some guys, and I KNOW I'm not the sexiest thing going, but I have an attitude that it's okay to let go and drown in the pleasure potential that is inside each of us, every regular Joe and Janet, and I act on that. I have read a great deal of the non-fiction sexual literature, and it seems to me that my way of sexual being is more akin to that of a sexually liberated woman, in that I don't subscribe to the wham-bam-thank-you-mam-or-sir style of sexual expression.
I don't necessarily masturbate every time I get the urge. There are times with my lover of three years that wait for release until I see if he wants sexual contact before indulging myself. But if I feel like doing it in the morning and I know I won't see him until the evening, I no longer feel guilty about doing it on the same days that I have sex with him. And if the whole day has gone by and I haven't done anything, a wank before bedtime is just what I need. He knows I do it alone sometimes and I know he does sometimes but we always have time and lust for each other. I don't know whether he knows exactly how often I do it, I just do it when I feel like it if it won't bother anybody. He thinks I'm very horny, but he is too, so that's fine. We've discussed the idea of a circle jerk, etc., and I'm more into it than he is but I don't think he's threatened by me doing it. Still, this situation has not presented itself yet since we've been together. We are very "live and let live".
Occasionally he goes on business trips (1-2 weeks) and during those times I can play "hornyboy... home alone" and do it as much, as long, or as late as I want. It works out just fine.
Long ago an old boyfriend of mine claimed that my masturbating ruined our sex life. I didn't believe him at first, then I tried cutting back, then I realized the problem with our sex life had nothing to do with my masturbating. If I can come a dozen times in a day, I think I can handle one j/o + one partner sex episode. But he didn't get it, so to speak. Boyfriends after that had to be open to my point of view or else we weren't going to get along. I traveled too far down the road to get to self-acceptance to let someone tell me that masturbating is bad. (Can I have an "Amen" on that?!)
Work! That's one thing that sometimes prevents me from masturbating when I really would like to. Basically that's the biggie. And if I want to be really charged up for a session with my lover, I'll wait 24 hours or so. But I'm not good at waiting.
I expect to be masturbating long into my old age. I expect that the main difference will be that I won't feel the need to ejaculate so much. That doesn't bother me much since I don't need to ejaculate to have an orgasm anyway. I think that a good sex life with oneself and/or others is somewhat rejuvenating. "Use it or lose it" seems to be true. I jerked off with a guy a couple of times who could cum several times a night although he was in his 50s, overweight, and smoked. Go figure, as they say.
I try to employ variety to keep masturbation fresh. After so many years of learning how to make it last, I may try to see how fast I can come. Sometimes I will use a vibrator and not let my hands touch my cock the whole time. That's hard for me. Sometimes I do it standing up, sometimes in front of a mirror. Watching a video is an occasional thing and I do it so rarely that I forget what I have in my collection. I love watching guys jack off, surprise, surprise. With still photos I really like the ones where the guy is looking at his own cock, or otherwise really focusing on his own pleasure. Sometimes I do it without lube, or with my left hand, or fucking one of those inflatable arm band thingies ("Water Wings") for kids. Sometimes I stretch out my back and legs and kiss and lick the head of my cock (a lot of work though). Sometimes I ask Jay to do it for me. He does a great job and knows how to tease my cock til I'm making serious noise. Sometimes I use fantasy, sometimes not at all. A lot of times these departures from the norm don't feel as good as the usual way, but it's important to experience them, in order to better feel everything.
After graduating from college, I made friends with a guy who was totally uninhibited about masturbation. If he felt like doing it, he would just drop his pants and start doing it. That certainly got the ball rolling in a room full of men! Phil had (and still has) a beautiful large fat cock that he loved greatly and he liked to do it a LOT. We had similar libidos (or is that libidi?) and he did it probably 3 times a day on the average. He never had a very big ejaculation. He always commented on how I could produce so much, even the third or fourth time around. Knowing that I made a lot of cum for him was a turn on to me.
Neither Stan nor the aforementioned Phil were handsome, but they both were nice guys with beautiful large cocks and most importantly a great attitude. It's not easy to find guys who love hand jobs as much or more than fucking or sucking.
I have never masturbated with a woman but am interested in trying that sometime. That may be rather unlikely since the bi guys I know say that it's so much easier to get into sexual situations with a man than with a woman. Still, knowing me, at some point I'll probably experience that. There were a couple of women with whom I have discussed masturbation, but nothing ever came of it.
Probably the best time masturbating with someone else came around the time I turned 30. I had started going to a jack off club in Washington DC and met a guy there, who had the most amazing touch on my cock. He taught me the joys of cockhead-play, and he and I would sit facing each other and stroke each other for an hour at a time. We would take each other to the edge over and over, using the lightest touch on our lubricated cockheads. Sometimes we'd go several minutes at a time touching nothing but the head. It made our cocks so sensitive that we hardly had to move our hands at all, we'd just sit there trembling and moaning.
From my boyhood to my present stage of life, I think my approach to masturbation has been to go beyond accepting it to embracing it. It is something I can enjoy greatly and much without sacrificing anything else.
Masturbation is the God/Goddess's greatest gift and everyone should enjoy it freely.
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